Under conviction

I've spent a better portion of my life living under the presumption of, "I can fix that." It's been a driving force in my life that has often proven true. Using the gifts God has given me, I've been able to work in various areas with various people and "fixed" a lot of things. But this was something I was doing in my own strength.

God made the revelation of this clear, almost two years ago. It's a difficult and tumultious situation where I am constrained [to force by imposed stricture, restriction, or limitation] to not fix a very major problem in my life. The constrait has been clearly initiated by God and I, to no personal credit, have lived, somewhat, in agreement. This constaint has been one of the most clearly defined lessons regarding surrender. It's been the microcausim of pain and suffering, specifically with this issue that's brought me to the depth of understanding about the value of surrender.

So why do I have mornings when I wake up and the first thing on my mind, "I can fix that"? Why do I continue to think that the anwers lies somewhere inside of me? I know without a doubt that I CAN NOT fix it. All I can do is contribute to it, for positive or negative outcomes.

I think the thoughts come from wanting to escape the pain. From believing that eliminating the source of pain will bring us to healthy, wholeness. When, in fact, it might very well be that the pain is going to be what brings us into wholeness.

Lord, please help me to recognize that these troubles are light and momentary afflictions. Help me dear Lord, to get my mind around the your goodness that last forever! To live with a clear understanding of what any present suffering means to your kingdom and your will for me and those in my area of influence. Keep me from giving into the temptation of making decisions that are only flavored with the thoughts of this moment. There's too much at stake here to let that happen!